tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439941893980599296.post3071129644739436255..comments2023-09-24T07:49:19.084-04:00Comments on Games By Design Has Moved!: New HooksChristopher M. Parkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16719365007524426389noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439941893980599296.post-56281700902143574442007-03-06T12:19:00.000-05:002007-03-06T12:19:00.000-05:00Thoughts on Big Spoilers:If they're in your hook, ...Thoughts on Big Spoilers:<BR/><BR/>If they're in your hook, there's no need to read the synopsis. <BR/><BR/>The goal of your query is to make the agent want to read more, ne?<BR/><BR/>Think of your hook as the back cover blurb. You want to entice readers without spoiling things.Chandra Rooneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14036054309635762089noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439941893980599296.post-37903482649961302982007-03-05T19:32:00.000-05:002007-03-05T19:32:00.000-05:00Karen,Thank you for the wonderful comments and sug...Karen,<BR/>Thank you for the wonderful comments and suggestions. The comments from everyone have been very helpful, but I think you've tied it together nicely. That makes a lot of sense. I'm going to work on a revised, major-spoiler-free version using your suggestions.<BR/><BR/>Don't worry about going on too long--I'm the king of that. ;) I'm always happy to receive more information rather than less.<BR/><BR/>I will say that I had felt the Big Spoiler was a necessary thing to include, because that is what is most original and what professional readers seem to have responded to most. However, you pointed out on a previous post that the hook is only supposed to entice the reader to read more, and I think that's a very good point. They'll find out the Big Spoiler from my synopsis, anyway, and I think that is fine. If the start of my book can't hold their attention well enough to get to that larger payoff, then, well, I'm not doing things right anyway.<BR/><BR/>ChrisChristopher M. Parkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16719365007524426389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439941893980599296.post-61723136006581036322007-03-05T17:12:00.000-05:002007-03-05T17:12:00.000-05:00I agree with you that trying a combination of the ...I agree with you that trying a combination of the two is the best way forward (imho)... That's not just the Brit chick 'sitting on the fence' :) I do actually reckon there's good and bad in both hooks.<BR/><BR/>No. 1 has a much better second paragraph, although you could definitely drop the 'spoiler' element of it and just end it on a Big Question. Is it necessary to answer that question in a hook? I don't think you need to give that away, even when querying agents: it's like you're giving away the whole story and, once again, edging towards mini-synopsis territory.<BR/><BR/>No. 2 opens more strongly, to my mind, and makes Sean seem human and more easy to relate to. I like the 'hook' that his life might have been based on lies up to this point... That would keep me reading to find out what the truth was!<BR/><BR/>So in summary (sorry this went on for so long) - first part of hook #2 with second part of hook #1. Are you up for giving it a try?! :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439941893980599296.post-13468119515370294662007-03-05T16:25:00.000-05:002007-03-05T16:25:00.000-05:00Rachel,Thanks for the feedback. That does indeed m...Rachel,<BR/>Thanks for the feedback. That does indeed make sense. I can see why you would say it was more efficiently written. You mentioned making changes to the first to make it more efficient--is that the one that you think you would prefer if I was to make that change, or was that comment just because you think I like the first better?<BR/><BR/>ChrisChristopher M. Parkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16719365007524426389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439941893980599296.post-11306196810439852152007-03-05T16:09:00.000-05:002007-03-05T16:09:00.000-05:00I'm with Chandra. Read all of each and I still pr...I'm with Chandra. Read all of each and I still prefer the second one. The reason being it's more efficiently written. The first one puts more information out there, but it sounds like you're struggling with it. It almost sounds clumsy and your writing (what I've seen of it on your blog) is not normally clumsy. <BR/><BR/>If you could figure out how to edit it down somehow whilst still saying what you want it to say, then go with the first one. But you sound more efficient and confident with the second one right now.<BR/><BR/>Am I making sense?Rachel V. Olivierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08993034871233904955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439941893980599296.post-66393193627358704002007-03-05T15:59:00.000-05:002007-03-05T15:59:00.000-05:00Thanks for the feedback!Thanks for the feedback!Christopher M. Parkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16719365007524426389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439941893980599296.post-11546741123177063972007-03-05T15:49:00.000-05:002007-03-05T15:49:00.000-05:00First one.First one.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439941893980599296.post-116568737764548202007-03-05T14:16:00.001-05:002007-03-05T14:16:00.001-05:00Oh, and I didn't say it before: thanks so much for...Oh, and I didn't say it before: thanks so much for the feedback!Christopher M. Parkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16719365007524426389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439941893980599296.post-25495002986022017062007-03-05T14:16:00.000-05:002007-03-05T14:16:00.000-05:00Yeah, that makes sense that #2 would be your prefe...Yeah, that makes sense that #2 would be your preference. I think it makes Sean more sympathetic, as well as what you pointed out. Trouble is, I feel like perhaps my second paragraph is stronger in #1 (not that I'm asking you to read them right now—major, major spoilers there). Maybe I'll do some sort of hybrid hook that incorporates the best of both hooks later on.<BR/><BR/>Oh, and as a side note--though it may not have come across in my hooks, Sean DOES have to earn his power. Just not in the usual way, and I took a nonstandard stance on how powerful everybody is in general. There are too many fantasy books where the powerful wizards aren't really all THAT powerful, and I wanted to do something different from that. So, Sean starts out relatively overpowered, yeah, but there are problems with that in itself, and everything is relative....<BR/><BR/>ChrisChristopher M. Parkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16719365007524426389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439941893980599296.post-49495766698980483432007-03-05T14:03:00.000-05:002007-03-05T14:03:00.000-05:00Ok, I only read the first paragraph of each... but...Ok, I only read the first paragraph of each... but #2 works the best for me. (Duh, you should be able to guess I'd say intrigue over power.)<BR/><BR/>It makes the conflict sound stronger and more mature. Sorry, the focus on power element doesn't work so much for me because I like stories about people who have to earn their power.Chandra Rooneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14036054309635762089noreply@blogger.com